I'm not the world's most dedicated blogger, and I've never pretended to be. I get so caught up in other things in life that I forget to post or lose time to post. Thank goodness I'm not so remiss with my practice. I'm glad I have a break in my grading load today to write. Something has been bugging me.
A few weeks ago, I got back my teaching evaluations from last semester, and for the first time ever, students reported on it that they really, seriously, truly disliked the project I have have them do ever since I started teaching yoga. They were pretty blunt and specific about why. The project is a group project (with at least one other person, but no more than 3 other people) where students work together to put to paper a practice of their own design. One of my goals for them as a class has always been that when they leave me after 16 weeks, they have a good grasp of basic hatha practice and a little background with meditation, as well as being able to construct their own practice.
In the past, while students have fussed at the start of term, they ended up really liking the project, giving great compliments about it on their evaluations. They enjoyed being able to actually talk with classmates, whom they normally just sit next to on a mat and seldom even say hello to. They enjoyed being able to put their favorite flows and poses into one practice, and some enjoyed creating a much more challenging practice than what we would normally do in class. And they REALLY liked that we did all of the practices together (they usually worked in about 6-8 groups, and we had 8-10 practices together after they were due, so we could do them in class and then talk about them).
But not last semester's cohort.
They had been grumbly from the start to the finish, griping about group members, opening fussing at each other in class, sending me emails about how so-and-so wasn't pulling his/her weight (I have a form for them to report this at the end of the project so I can adjust grades, but they had to tell me "right now"). Students who had placed their mats next to each other all term moved, breaking their nesting habits and thereby making other students fussy. I knew I was going to get some backlash, but nothing so strong as what I got.
So that's where I sat, with that in my lap and a heavy heart from it. I had wanted them to enjoy the class, it be their refuge from the rest of their coursework, but no, it had become a really stressful experience. And as a result, most of the practices were so lackluster that we didn't do them in class. Many were very poorly constructed and had to be sent back to the groups... I had them to individual revisions to avoid their having to bang heads again. A weenie's approach I know... I should have had them work out their differences if they wanted an improved grade.
Therefore, I decided to give this semester's classes a choice in whether or not we did the group project. I knew what the results would be before I posted the online surveys.... I expected about 80% to be against, 20% to be for, and that's what I got (exactly that in one class, 85/15 in the other). So I told them we wouldn't be doing it, but that if they wanted to do it for their own personal benefit, I'd offer it as an extra credit project, to make up for that sick day they they had, or to help boost their midterm or final exam grade.
And that's when the surprise came in.
Out of a class of 25 people, 20% would be 5 people.... but 9 have contacted me for the details, from just one class (3 from the other so far). And that's just in the first 48 hours. I suspect when I take the sheets to class next week with the project details, almost all of them will disappear.
They want to do the project, they said.... just not as a group. They wanted it to be personal, just for them, just like the reflective journals are that I have them post for me monthly. Two of the students asked if they could work together, and I obliged.
I was feeling so down about this. I had always thought it was a great assignment. I knew when given the option of "less work" that the majority of students would happily skip down that path, but I never hoped that so many would do it on their own. Anonymously saying you want to do it and actually doing it are two wholly different matters! Two of the students are meeting with me next week to have me go over their practice drafts with them, and I suspect I'll have more....
In the end, if I end up with 50 papers to review and give advice on how to improve, I won't mind. These are young women and men looking to actively improve themselves, to challenge themselves, and that's so much what both yoga and higher education are about. Moments like these are what make teaching worthwhile, regardless of the subject, and it makes me so proud to be a teacher both on the mat and in a classroom. I just wish they weren't so rare.....
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Proof Is in the Pudding
When I first met my husband, he was so laid back, so calm about every crisis that came along, and I was,well, NOT. His secret was meditating, even if just for 10-15 minutes a day, to try to settle his mind or bring clarity to that which was not going well. We are "star-crossed lovers," as Shakespeare said (he's a Capricorn, and I'm a Sagittarius), so we have lots of "we have the worst luck" sorts of things happen to us as a couple. The latest: the wind whipping around at the last second and smashing a tree down on our house in a storm, when the rest of the time, the wind was blowing the opposite directions. But I digress....
Meditation is one of those things that a lot of people in my part of the world shy away from, mainly because they think it is "un-Christian" and associated with a religion and religious practices (which it can be, but doesn't have to be) instead of being a way to bring a little bit of peace of mind in the middle of a hurried day or a lot of peace of mind to a stressful life. Some days it's easy, and some days it's nearly impossible, but I've found meditation to be the way that has moved me more toward a calm and peaceful person who can handle stress (and with my life tearing me 10 different ways at once most days....).
The basic text I have my yoga students purchase for our class introduces basic ideas about meditation, and we dedicate one entire day of practice to it each term, with some practices ending in short guided meditations and all the others left for students to do what they need in those few minutes of savasana that end our time together. Many of my students comment that once we have the day devoted to meditation (where we go through 3 guided meditations, including a pranayama meditation that focuses on the chakra column for building energy through the breath, great for cold winter and rainy spring days!), they don't go a single day without at least a few minutes of meditation from that point on, and they can see the difference it makes in their lives nearly immediately.
Their favorites, they say, are the ones I share with for when they only have time between classes to practice (one of which is a walking meditation, another is a listening meditation), when they need to settle themselves before a test or a presentation that is making them jittery or that they may not feel confident about. They say it is really hard the more nervous they are, but even those 5-10 minutes they can take for themselves is settling and comforting, and that they fell more confident going into the class and being able to then seat themselves and close their eyes for a moment or two more before beginning their endeavor.
I say this because, coming back to our fallen tree and our "crisis du jour" in our home, I realized last night what a bundle of stress my husband has become in the last year since we bought our old farm house with its 15.5 acres and neverending "to-do" list that gets longer by the day... while I've become more laid back and "Eh, it'll get done" about it all. He's lost the time to meditate because of his obsession with that list, while I get it at least 4 days a week in class + the time I take for myself each night before I go to bed + stolen moments here and there. In our 12 years of marriage, I've become the calmer one, able to weather most any storm (this time, literally!), while he's become, well, NOT that person.
The proof is in the pudding. Meditation helps us to be happier, better adjusted people who can better handle whatever life throws at us. He realized that last night as we talked and realized he needs to recommit to that practice as well as take advantage of living with a yogini who can help him commit to a hatha practice.
So start little, and build meditation into your life. See if it helps you. I'll be surprised if it doesn't.
Meditation is one of those things that a lot of people in my part of the world shy away from, mainly because they think it is "un-Christian" and associated with a religion and religious practices (which it can be, but doesn't have to be) instead of being a way to bring a little bit of peace of mind in the middle of a hurried day or a lot of peace of mind to a stressful life. Some days it's easy, and some days it's nearly impossible, but I've found meditation to be the way that has moved me more toward a calm and peaceful person who can handle stress (and with my life tearing me 10 different ways at once most days....).
The basic text I have my yoga students purchase for our class introduces basic ideas about meditation, and we dedicate one entire day of practice to it each term, with some practices ending in short guided meditations and all the others left for students to do what they need in those few minutes of savasana that end our time together. Many of my students comment that once we have the day devoted to meditation (where we go through 3 guided meditations, including a pranayama meditation that focuses on the chakra column for building energy through the breath, great for cold winter and rainy spring days!), they don't go a single day without at least a few minutes of meditation from that point on, and they can see the difference it makes in their lives nearly immediately.
Their favorites, they say, are the ones I share with for when they only have time between classes to practice (one of which is a walking meditation, another is a listening meditation), when they need to settle themselves before a test or a presentation that is making them jittery or that they may not feel confident about. They say it is really hard the more nervous they are, but even those 5-10 minutes they can take for themselves is settling and comforting, and that they fell more confident going into the class and being able to then seat themselves and close their eyes for a moment or two more before beginning their endeavor.
I say this because, coming back to our fallen tree and our "crisis du jour" in our home, I realized last night what a bundle of stress my husband has become in the last year since we bought our old farm house with its 15.5 acres and neverending "to-do" list that gets longer by the day... while I've become more laid back and "Eh, it'll get done" about it all. He's lost the time to meditate because of his obsession with that list, while I get it at least 4 days a week in class + the time I take for myself each night before I go to bed + stolen moments here and there. In our 12 years of marriage, I've become the calmer one, able to weather most any storm (this time, literally!), while he's become, well, NOT that person.
The proof is in the pudding. Meditation helps us to be happier, better adjusted people who can better handle whatever life throws at us. He realized that last night as we talked and realized he needs to recommit to that practice as well as take advantage of living with a yogini who can help him commit to a hatha practice.
So start little, and build meditation into your life. See if it helps you. I'll be surprised if it doesn't.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Odes to Asanas
In mid-April, I saw a blog post on YogaJournal.com that was about Side Plank and writing "odes" to poses. Being both an English and a yoga teacher, I was intrigued, and as I read the short piece, I smiled and thought to myself how Side Plank was one of my least favorites for some of the reasons she loved it. A full side plank was very difficult for me, mainly because I injured my right shoulder several years ago and had never been able to do it on that side. Therefore, I just avoided it so that I wasn't "unbalanced" in my practice, doing something on the left that I couldn't do (I thought) without injury on my right.
But then my competitive side came out, inspired by what she wrote. It's a pose often difficult for women because we usually lack the upper body strength to pop right into it, as I'd watched with envy as most of my male students would do when I demonstrated a full side plank vs. a modified side plank when I introduce the pose in class around mid-term. The next few weeks at the gym, I made sure that I never skipped my upper body weight routine, and each week, I increased the weight by at least 5 pounds. My shoulders have been weaker than they should be because I have been a weenie and not pushed that right shoulder, but I found that as I pushed it, the aching stopped... I could use it more... and so I kept pushing. I went from a mere 10 pound shoulder press to a 40 pound shoulder press. Not much, I know, but a huge accomplishment for me. I've not used my right shoulder as I should in years!
Then one morning in a class I was taking, I was shown a new way to find the pose rather than how I had assembled it before. I did it on the left and felt it to be a much smoother transition... I just rolled right up into it!So when we moved to the right side to repeat, I thought, "Right. We're going to do this whole-heartedly, just go for it, no 'protecting' the weakness. It's not weak any more." With some trepidation and my "I think I can!" attitude, I rolled my body to open into the pose. It was shaky and wobbly and not at all graceful, and while I could only hold it for a few breaths, I listened to what my body told me as I reveled in this first truly full plank on my right side in my life. It said that I liked it. It didn't hurt. It didn't twinge. That shoulder LOVED the challenge of working in harmony with all else to keep me unfurled in lovely, albeit wobbly, alignment. I could feel myself smiling from head to toe!
When it came time to deconstruct, I found my true weakness with the pose: I couldn't get myself back down! I finally gave in and sort of flopped out, left hand crashing to the mat for support, still smiling, seeing what I really needed to "fear" now was hurting myself coming out of the pose rather than getting into or holding it. So I had something new to work on.
For fun and extra credit, I invited my classes to think on their favorite or least favorite poses and to write odes to them. I got some wonderful, thoughtful responses, even from students I thought weren't taking the class very seriously. Some were so funny that I laughed out loud when reading them, especially one girl's thoughts on the unfeminine happy child/dead bug. One made me sad as I read how child's pose was her least favorite because she got the phone call of a young family member's death while she was finishing her practice at home in that pose, and although before that moment it had been a refuge and a reward, it became a reminder of that shocking moment.
I could write a book of odes to asanas that I love and others that I have a tricky relationship with... I can't really say I "hate" any pose. Each offers its own challenges and shows me a new place to improve. They bring out my competitive side. I haven't "given up" on any, though there are many I've yet to try as I know I need to master other poses below them before I attempt them with any sort of safety or grace, even wobbly grace. :-) Below is my ode to one of my favorites.
What asana would you choose to write your ode(s)?
Ode to Butterfly
I love the connection of the soles of my feet, snuggling together, pressing each other for support, yet relaxing after giving the rest of me a firm foundation through my practice.
I love how you let me open up my heart and breathe deep, completely filling my chest, expanding outwards at the start.
I love how your wings spread wide on some days, but on others, you remind me to listen to my body, that my hips aren't ready for that much of a stretch... yet.
I love sighing down into you on those days my hips are warm from practice and ready to accept you, folding my body, rounding my spine, collapsing into a blissful stretch unmatched by any other pose.
I love the strength you force me to find after that release, rising from my core, inhaling fully to lift and open my heart again, ready to return to life refreshed, relaxed, renewed.
Namaste.
But then my competitive side came out, inspired by what she wrote. It's a pose often difficult for women because we usually lack the upper body strength to pop right into it, as I'd watched with envy as most of my male students would do when I demonstrated a full side plank vs. a modified side plank when I introduce the pose in class around mid-term. The next few weeks at the gym, I made sure that I never skipped my upper body weight routine, and each week, I increased the weight by at least 5 pounds. My shoulders have been weaker than they should be because I have been a weenie and not pushed that right shoulder, but I found that as I pushed it, the aching stopped... I could use it more... and so I kept pushing. I went from a mere 10 pound shoulder press to a 40 pound shoulder press. Not much, I know, but a huge accomplishment for me. I've not used my right shoulder as I should in years!
Then one morning in a class I was taking, I was shown a new way to find the pose rather than how I had assembled it before. I did it on the left and felt it to be a much smoother transition... I just rolled right up into it!So when we moved to the right side to repeat, I thought, "Right. We're going to do this whole-heartedly, just go for it, no 'protecting' the weakness. It's not weak any more." With some trepidation and my "I think I can!" attitude, I rolled my body to open into the pose. It was shaky and wobbly and not at all graceful, and while I could only hold it for a few breaths, I listened to what my body told me as I reveled in this first truly full plank on my right side in my life. It said that I liked it. It didn't hurt. It didn't twinge. That shoulder LOVED the challenge of working in harmony with all else to keep me unfurled in lovely, albeit wobbly, alignment. I could feel myself smiling from head to toe!
When it came time to deconstruct, I found my true weakness with the pose: I couldn't get myself back down! I finally gave in and sort of flopped out, left hand crashing to the mat for support, still smiling, seeing what I really needed to "fear" now was hurting myself coming out of the pose rather than getting into or holding it. So I had something new to work on.
For fun and extra credit, I invited my classes to think on their favorite or least favorite poses and to write odes to them. I got some wonderful, thoughtful responses, even from students I thought weren't taking the class very seriously. Some were so funny that I laughed out loud when reading them, especially one girl's thoughts on the unfeminine happy child/dead bug. One made me sad as I read how child's pose was her least favorite because she got the phone call of a young family member's death while she was finishing her practice at home in that pose, and although before that moment it had been a refuge and a reward, it became a reminder of that shocking moment.
I could write a book of odes to asanas that I love and others that I have a tricky relationship with... I can't really say I "hate" any pose. Each offers its own challenges and shows me a new place to improve. They bring out my competitive side. I haven't "given up" on any, though there are many I've yet to try as I know I need to master other poses below them before I attempt them with any sort of safety or grace, even wobbly grace. :-) Below is my ode to one of my favorites.
What asana would you choose to write your ode(s)?
Ode to Butterfly
I love the connection of the soles of my feet, snuggling together, pressing each other for support, yet relaxing after giving the rest of me a firm foundation through my practice.
I love how you let me open up my heart and breathe deep, completely filling my chest, expanding outwards at the start.
I love how your wings spread wide on some days, but on others, you remind me to listen to my body, that my hips aren't ready for that much of a stretch... yet.
I love sighing down into you on those days my hips are warm from practice and ready to accept you, folding my body, rounding my spine, collapsing into a blissful stretch unmatched by any other pose.
I love the strength you force me to find after that release, rising from my core, inhaling fully to lift and open my heart again, ready to return to life refreshed, relaxed, renewed.
Namaste.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Everyone has to start somewhere...
Friends have been asking me to start a blog about my experiences teaching yoga and maybe even posting a practice every now and then. I rarely have time on my hands, but this morning I'm avoiding grading, so here I am.
I do not try to claim I am anything other than I am, and I hope that this blog will reflect the same. I am a teacher by my most basic nature, with more than 14 years of university-level English instruction under my belt (and that is what I'm avoiding grading at the moment... discussion boards over a selection of short fiction works). To say I'm a procrastinator is not inaccurate. This first post is to help you get to know me (for those of you who don't) and to share how I came to be a yogini.
First, I have a ridiculous amount of education... a bachelor's in history and writing, a master's in English and the teaching of English, a master's in education with an emphasis in student affairs in higher education, a certificate in international student relations, and doctorate in education with an emphasis in higher education administration. Though I teach, and have done so in a full-time capacity in the past, I currently only teach part time (classes in English composition, introductory literature, Native American literature, and yoga), mostly for the love of it and partly (let's be honest!) for the money (which is very little for the effort expended!). My full time work is in faculty and graduate student development, and if you want to know more about that, let me know, and I'll elaborate.
I am also a "sorority girl" and have been since I pledged at age 19 as a sopohomore in college. I know that being Greek isn't for everyone, and I respect that. It's been such an amazing experience for me that I continue to serve my sorority as a national officer. I see my work as a chance to help young women realize their potential and become strong, thoughtful, and independent good citizens of their communities. I'm sure some of you are thinking, "Uh huh, that's what sorority life is all about." Well, actually, it is, but that's a whole other blog in itself, so we'll just leave it there for now. :-)
I am married with no children (and no currently plans for any) and live on a small farm in the middle of no where in Kentucky, surrounded by a Mennonite community of nearly 500 families. I have eight cats and 2 dogs and 3 visiting possums. We are attempting to have our first organic garden this year, and so far, it seems to be working. :-)
I started practicing yoga when I was at my most disgruntled with myself physically-- I weighed 230 pounds and couldn't get comfortable to sit or sleep, I was tired of buying increasingly larger clothes, and my asthma was ridiculously bad. I was pretty miserable. A friend said, "Try yoga. It's for everyone. And it makes you feel SO GOOD." So I found some leggings, poured my bulbous being into them, found a t-shirt, and went to the next 6:00am yoga class at my gym. I sat at the back, off to the side, near the door, in case I decided that I just couldn't keep up and didn't want to disturb the others in my quick exit. But that didn't happen.
I found that my dancing training and gymnastics skills and all the agility and flexibility that I'd had as a teenager and young adult had not abandoned me at age 33 despite the abuse I had heaped on my body since my days as a cheerleader and basketball player. I found the stretches and holds comforting and challenging and something I wanted to do more of. For the first time in my life, I didn't mind sweating, and trust me, even though it was a gentle yoga class, I WAS DRIPPING and at times breathless. I was disappointed when the hour passed quickly. I didn't miss another class (twice a week at 6:00am!) that semester, or the next, or the next....
During that time, I continued the gentle yoga classes and began taking mixed-yoga classes that involved props, more variety of poses, and more sweat. When classes weren't in session, I practiced on my own as well as I could, in the backyard. During this time, I also started paying attention to what I ate. And in the end, combined with cardio 3 days a week and weights 2 days a week, I lost 87 pounds. I was so in love with yoga that I started recruiting others to come to the classes, but the early hour made most people shrug it off. That's when I started seeking how I could become a teacher.
Within 6 months, I was teaching a general education yoga course for my university. It meets twice a week in the evening for an hour. Because all of our students are required to take either a PE activity course (which is what mine is-- no philosophy beyond a bare introduction, no religious context, just pranayama, asanas, and meditation) or a personal health course, and because gen ed courses are classes that students want to get out of the way, I tend to have mostly freshwomen (yes, very few men) as my students. This fluctuates... in fall, it's almost all (I'd say 95%) first year students, and it's almost always women (for the first 4 terms I taught, I never had more than 1 man per class). In the spring terms, I see a huge shift to seniors who either put the PE class off or who know the benefits of yoga and want them to be forced upon them during their last, tumultuous semester before "real life" begins. I've recently started having staff members use their "free classes" benefit and enrolling, too, so I get some non-transitional students, too (not 18-21 years old). Last term, I had 8 men between my 2 class rosters, and most of them were there for the yoga (a couple were there to try to hit on the girls, believe it or not...). My classes fill up quickly, and I typically have about 20-30 requests or first-day hopefuls trying to get in, but a room can only hold so many people (and honestly, I'd prefer it if I had a class cap of 20, but that's another posting).
On the first day of class (not unlike this blog post!), we talk about how yoga is for everyone. I don't care if you're 18 or 80, if you weigh 100 or 300 pounds... hatha yoga (physical yoga, pronounced "huht-ha") is adaptable to your needs, to your body, to your mind, and everyone has to start somewhere and build their own practices from there.
That's the first lesson my yogini taught me in my first class. Anyone can do yoga if he/she wants. This isn't like ballet, where every move has a perfect form that you must strive every day to reach, or like music, where there are definitely wrong ways to sing a song. I tell them to use our room-- which is crazy big with 30 foot ceilings and housed in the belly of the football stadium-- as a sanctuary where they can escape from papers, bosses, significant others, and any conflict or distraction and focus on themselves for an hour twice a week. I share that yoga is a practice that is deeply personal, that only you can decide when you are where you need to be in the moment, today, right now. But..... of course there is someone who brings up, "So we can sit in child's pose every day and never be wrong or penalized?" Well, of course not every day. You should still be challenging yourself on the days you're "up to it," but if you are ill or injured or drained, and you need that sanctuary but you know certain asanas are just going to make life worse, then yes, find the pose that works in the moment, be that a resting pose, like child's pose or corpse, or just a modification of whatever we are working on at the moment.
That first day, there are nervous giggles as we go over how to safely build and deconstruct poses, do some basic pranayama, and try some poses to just get our feet wet (big-toe open boat and happy child/dead bug always make us all smile with their unfeminine postures), and I encourage this as we are there to enjoy ourselves, to learn about what works for us and doesn't, to listen to our bodies, which we never do any more... and to escape what's not inside those four walls for just an hour.
And that's how I approach yoga in my own life and in the practices I lead. My goal is to have my students, at the end of 16 weeks, leave there with the ability to safely and smartly construct practices on their own (that's even one of their assignments!) so that they may continue the benefit of yoga in their own lives, in their own created sanctuaries, wherever that may end up being.
I suspect if you're reading this, you already know these things and more about yoga. But some may not. But this is who I am, and what I hope to share in future entries. What I like about yoga. What I hate about yoga. What I learn about myself and about others from yoga. Every now and then, I may toss in a flow or meditation or maybe a whole set practice that I've enjoyed (I don't think I ever do the same thing twice in class, though I do write them out and share them via Blackboard with the students for their own practice).
I'm not a perfect yogini. I don't even look like one. Though I lost 87 pounds, I regained 30 thanks to my asthma and some steroids (which I'm still on and likely will be for the rest of my life). Still, it's not about how I look on the outside; it's about how I feel on the inside. And yoga has made and continues to make such a massive difference in my life that I don't see stopping it. Ever.
I hope you'll join me... in reading, in practice, or both!
Sarva mangalam!
I do not try to claim I am anything other than I am, and I hope that this blog will reflect the same. I am a teacher by my most basic nature, with more than 14 years of university-level English instruction under my belt (and that is what I'm avoiding grading at the moment... discussion boards over a selection of short fiction works). To say I'm a procrastinator is not inaccurate. This first post is to help you get to know me (for those of you who don't) and to share how I came to be a yogini.
First, I have a ridiculous amount of education... a bachelor's in history and writing, a master's in English and the teaching of English, a master's in education with an emphasis in student affairs in higher education, a certificate in international student relations, and doctorate in education with an emphasis in higher education administration. Though I teach, and have done so in a full-time capacity in the past, I currently only teach part time (classes in English composition, introductory literature, Native American literature, and yoga), mostly for the love of it and partly (let's be honest!) for the money (which is very little for the effort expended!). My full time work is in faculty and graduate student development, and if you want to know more about that, let me know, and I'll elaborate.
I am also a "sorority girl" and have been since I pledged at age 19 as a sopohomore in college. I know that being Greek isn't for everyone, and I respect that. It's been such an amazing experience for me that I continue to serve my sorority as a national officer. I see my work as a chance to help young women realize their potential and become strong, thoughtful, and independent good citizens of their communities. I'm sure some of you are thinking, "Uh huh, that's what sorority life is all about." Well, actually, it is, but that's a whole other blog in itself, so we'll just leave it there for now. :-)
I am married with no children (and no currently plans for any) and live on a small farm in the middle of no where in Kentucky, surrounded by a Mennonite community of nearly 500 families. I have eight cats and 2 dogs and 3 visiting possums. We are attempting to have our first organic garden this year, and so far, it seems to be working. :-)
I started practicing yoga when I was at my most disgruntled with myself physically-- I weighed 230 pounds and couldn't get comfortable to sit or sleep, I was tired of buying increasingly larger clothes, and my asthma was ridiculously bad. I was pretty miserable. A friend said, "Try yoga. It's for everyone. And it makes you feel SO GOOD." So I found some leggings, poured my bulbous being into them, found a t-shirt, and went to the next 6:00am yoga class at my gym. I sat at the back, off to the side, near the door, in case I decided that I just couldn't keep up and didn't want to disturb the others in my quick exit. But that didn't happen.
I found that my dancing training and gymnastics skills and all the agility and flexibility that I'd had as a teenager and young adult had not abandoned me at age 33 despite the abuse I had heaped on my body since my days as a cheerleader and basketball player. I found the stretches and holds comforting and challenging and something I wanted to do more of. For the first time in my life, I didn't mind sweating, and trust me, even though it was a gentle yoga class, I WAS DRIPPING and at times breathless. I was disappointed when the hour passed quickly. I didn't miss another class (twice a week at 6:00am!) that semester, or the next, or the next....
During that time, I continued the gentle yoga classes and began taking mixed-yoga classes that involved props, more variety of poses, and more sweat. When classes weren't in session, I practiced on my own as well as I could, in the backyard. During this time, I also started paying attention to what I ate. And in the end, combined with cardio 3 days a week and weights 2 days a week, I lost 87 pounds. I was so in love with yoga that I started recruiting others to come to the classes, but the early hour made most people shrug it off. That's when I started seeking how I could become a teacher.
Within 6 months, I was teaching a general education yoga course for my university. It meets twice a week in the evening for an hour. Because all of our students are required to take either a PE activity course (which is what mine is-- no philosophy beyond a bare introduction, no religious context, just pranayama, asanas, and meditation) or a personal health course, and because gen ed courses are classes that students want to get out of the way, I tend to have mostly freshwomen (yes, very few men) as my students. This fluctuates... in fall, it's almost all (I'd say 95%) first year students, and it's almost always women (for the first 4 terms I taught, I never had more than 1 man per class). In the spring terms, I see a huge shift to seniors who either put the PE class off or who know the benefits of yoga and want them to be forced upon them during their last, tumultuous semester before "real life" begins. I've recently started having staff members use their "free classes" benefit and enrolling, too, so I get some non-transitional students, too (not 18-21 years old). Last term, I had 8 men between my 2 class rosters, and most of them were there for the yoga (a couple were there to try to hit on the girls, believe it or not...). My classes fill up quickly, and I typically have about 20-30 requests or first-day hopefuls trying to get in, but a room can only hold so many people (and honestly, I'd prefer it if I had a class cap of 20, but that's another posting).
On the first day of class (not unlike this blog post!), we talk about how yoga is for everyone. I don't care if you're 18 or 80, if you weigh 100 or 300 pounds... hatha yoga (physical yoga, pronounced "huht-ha") is adaptable to your needs, to your body, to your mind, and everyone has to start somewhere and build their own practices from there.
That's the first lesson my yogini taught me in my first class. Anyone can do yoga if he/she wants. This isn't like ballet, where every move has a perfect form that you must strive every day to reach, or like music, where there are definitely wrong ways to sing a song. I tell them to use our room-- which is crazy big with 30 foot ceilings and housed in the belly of the football stadium-- as a sanctuary where they can escape from papers, bosses, significant others, and any conflict or distraction and focus on themselves for an hour twice a week. I share that yoga is a practice that is deeply personal, that only you can decide when you are where you need to be in the moment, today, right now. But..... of course there is someone who brings up, "So we can sit in child's pose every day and never be wrong or penalized?" Well, of course not every day. You should still be challenging yourself on the days you're "up to it," but if you are ill or injured or drained, and you need that sanctuary but you know certain asanas are just going to make life worse, then yes, find the pose that works in the moment, be that a resting pose, like child's pose or corpse, or just a modification of whatever we are working on at the moment.
That first day, there are nervous giggles as we go over how to safely build and deconstruct poses, do some basic pranayama, and try some poses to just get our feet wet (big-toe open boat and happy child/dead bug always make us all smile with their unfeminine postures), and I encourage this as we are there to enjoy ourselves, to learn about what works for us and doesn't, to listen to our bodies, which we never do any more... and to escape what's not inside those four walls for just an hour.
And that's how I approach yoga in my own life and in the practices I lead. My goal is to have my students, at the end of 16 weeks, leave there with the ability to safely and smartly construct practices on their own (that's even one of their assignments!) so that they may continue the benefit of yoga in their own lives, in their own created sanctuaries, wherever that may end up being.
I suspect if you're reading this, you already know these things and more about yoga. But some may not. But this is who I am, and what I hope to share in future entries. What I like about yoga. What I hate about yoga. What I learn about myself and about others from yoga. Every now and then, I may toss in a flow or meditation or maybe a whole set practice that I've enjoyed (I don't think I ever do the same thing twice in class, though I do write them out and share them via Blackboard with the students for their own practice).
I'm not a perfect yogini. I don't even look like one. Though I lost 87 pounds, I regained 30 thanks to my asthma and some steroids (which I'm still on and likely will be for the rest of my life). Still, it's not about how I look on the outside; it's about how I feel on the inside. And yoga has made and continues to make such a massive difference in my life that I don't see stopping it. Ever.
I hope you'll join me... in reading, in practice, or both!
Sarva mangalam!
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